Having a small child is an adventure.
My son is at that age where he can be totally fine and then completely melt down for really no reason at all. Or in other words he feels something he can’t express or I can’t understand. And so for him he does the only thing he can, cry and scream.
It happens at home, in public, daytime or nighttime.
Continue reading “Being Dad: The Stare And The Meltdowns”
Today, Levi did the cutest thing.
I was laying on the living room floor, (we don’t have a couch) and Levi walked by. I asked for a hug and he gave me one and so I started singing, “Daddy loves his baby!” I did this for a minute and just rocked back and forth and Levi just held on.
Then I sang, “Who does Daddy love?”
Levi sings, “Baby!”
He looked up to me with the biggest smile and it just broke my heart.
I love this kid, so much. He is such a sunny spot in my life and he is just so filled with love. Renee used to always say that Levi was chosen specifically to bring us joy and I don’t doubt that.
He is so special.
What does meditation look like to me?
Well, it used to be do these breathing exercises and stress squeezes I learned on my mission.
Sometimes it was cleaning my apartment before bed.
Lately, it has been preparing for the next day: meal prep and journal/planner writing.
Tonight, it’s listening to a talk from General Conference, meal prepping, calendar updating, video watching and blog posting.
Just finding things to relax before bed. Finding ways to clear my mind and most importantly center myself back to the Savior and the Spirit.
This is day one.
Tonight, I told my son it was bedtime and he got super happy.
I picked him up and took him to the room to change his diaper and put on lotion. As I started to comb his hair, he said, “ow.” He says it every time I comb his hair now. Not because it hurts but because somehow he learned it might make us stop. But he has really pretty hair and I try to keep it that way.
The pillow weren’t in the room so I told him to get the pillows and I’d grab a bottle. He didn’t quite understand at first so we walked out to the living room and I pointed at the pillows. He giggled and said, “pillows.” He picked them up and as I poured him some milk he dragged them back to the room. I followed him as he dragged the last pillow in and threw it on the bed. I then rearranged them and helped lift him into bed.
Continue reading “Weekend with the Kid”
Remember We Die by Gemini Syndrome
Music is important in my life.
As a teenager, I used music to reach out and get help. As an adult, I’ve relied on music to keep me going. So it was really difficult when I joined the Mormon church and was faced with trying to find a balance between something that had, quite literally kept me alive, and a culture that was asking me to give up certain types of music.
At first, I felt strongly that I needed to really look at my relationship with music and recognize that certain things really worked to only bring me down. But like a good convert I decided it was best to literally destroy my music collection and try to do with out.
Continue reading “Remember We Die”
I had promised this post about a month ago… sorry for the delay.
I’ve had this one on my mind for a few weeks now. It’s one of the three I’ve had on repeat this summer. This image came up in my memories today and after some quick editing I had just an image of me.
This is me, more happy and comfortable then I’d been in years. At the time, my life seemed to be headed somewhere amazing. It would ultimately be a two-year disaster that left me with almost nothing.
I guess it’s been a week of serious reflection and I really would love to be this person again.
I wrote the above text back in July.
Continue reading “Somethings Just Not Right”
It’s no secret that I feel angry.
I’d have to say anger is the emotion I am most comfortable with. My default. My go to. It’s become my defense.
Lately, my marriage has been in the forefront of my mind. I caught myself laughing as I thought about some memories, a genuine feeling of joy coming across my face. At the same time, I felt angry that those memories are so tainted.
So far, everyone seems to think forgiveness is my best option. I don’t disagree, but I am just not there yet. I’ve shared a lot about being honest with your emotions. Honestly, I don’t know if anything I say is helpful for anyone but ,for me, being honest with myself is huge.
Continue reading “Update: Anger”