QOTD: Now

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.”

– Albert Camus

My biggest worry in life is wether I will be a good enough dad to my son.

I constantly worry that I am not doing enough to engage him or teach him. Aside from the weekend, I really only see him for 3-4 hours on a workday and the rest of the time he is at the sitters.

Do I show him that I love him enough and do I discipline him in a way that is nurturing and not just authoritative? The other day he was sick and as much as I knew him taking a late nap was good, I was frustrated that it meant he’d be up later and it would be hard for me to get any work done. Then, I was mad because I found it annoying that he was sick. It was a lose, lose situation for me.

In a perfect world, his mother and I would of made things work, but this world isn’t perfect. In a perfect world I’d come home and not have to worry about what wether or not we’d have enough to pay the bills and have food.

I had always wished to give him the best life possible, but the older he gets the more I feel like I’ve let him down.

And then I stop and breathe.

I glance at the pictures I have of him, the smiles he always wears. I think of the hugs and kisses he shares. How tightly he holds on to me at night when he wakes up crying. The cuddles he shares right before he falls asleep. And just all of the little moments we share together.

Trying to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent is hard.

I worry about the future he will have; the questions he will ask and the answers I will have to try and explain. How will his confidence and self worth change the more he learns?

I’ve been trying to teach myself the importance of being hopefully and optimistic. Reminding myself that it’s okay to chase after my own dreams. This is all in the hope of being able to teach him to do and act the same.

We all want better for our own kids and it really does fall back on us to be better ourselves. Little steps, little breathes. He is always watching what we do and if he can see us overcome these difficulties, maybe he’ll see that he can also overcome.

So, I guess, being there for him now, showing him that I love him now, and being strong with him now is the best I can do.

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QOTD: Creating

“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
― Roy T. Bennett

This was the thought I had when I decided to keep my business going after I separated from my spouse.

I’ve shared that a few times, but finding this actual quote, that is someone else’s words, was a great reminder to me today, of how important it is to keep creating.

It is so easy to feel out of control in life. No matter how good things are, it doesn’t take much to derail us. I wish that wasn’t true but it is.

So how do we change in that split second. Well we redirect the energy, create a new path, find a new goal. We work and we bleed and we cry and smile, fighting for the end that makes us happy.

It’s great.

It wasn’t until after the split that I discovered the term “creator” as it relates to people who create things to sell on Etsy.

It felt silly to say at first, but that is what I am, a creator.

Think about how much power is behind that word. Would you consider yourself a creator? Because you are, you may not realize it but everyday you are creating life. Your life. Your decisions are a part of that process.

So today I am going to ask you, what are you creating?

QOTD: The Plan

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

There are moments in my life when I dream of wealth and fame. I am sure many of us do.

It’s normal, it’s human.

It was easy for a long time to think that I was only worth what I made. And I was never making enough.

When I joined the Mormon church though, something changed. It became clear that it wasn’t about the things I owned or even the places I went, what really mattered, at least to me, was how much I was helping others.

When I think about my future, it isn’t about building up my photography for fame, or selling signs for wealth.

I am using my talents right now, to build up something that can help me support my family. Help me give my son the things he will need and also help me to hopefully teach him through my actions. In the end though, I am hoping that I can find a way to complete something bigger.

Owning a business opens doors to others. Getting bigger lets you provide work for someone else. Work allows someone to gain skills and those skills inspire them to achieve. Accomplishments inspire people to dream and as they dream they work for their own future and when they work for their own future they find success.

So I want to work on this so that someday I can help someone  do this also; chase their dreams, feeling a hope for the future.

It’s possible, but we gotta be the ones to start it. I gotta be the one to help.

QOTD: Building My Future

“Do not let the memories of your past limit the potential of your future. There are no limits to what you can achieve on your journey through life, except in your mind.”
― Roy T. Bennett

After this week, I would have written over a hundred posts on this blog.

For me that is seriously amazing. I have never kept writing this consistently, for this long. It has been hard and at times I wanted to stop because like before, it was really hard to not feel really depressed when I write.

Continue reading “QOTD: Building My Future”

QOTD: Small Joys

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”

– Pearl S Buck

I had to stay home with the kid today. He picked up a little cold last week and he needed another day before heading back to the babysitter. 

As much as it is worrisome to lose a days worth of pay and at the same time not get much done around the house because he needs extra attention, days like today are my favorite. I would love to be able to stay home and work. As hard as it would be to try and run a business and balance parental duties as a single parent, it would be completely worth it. 

Today, I caught myself getting a bit down on myself because it seems almost impossible to do. That future isn’t close and I realize the amount of work needed to get there. But then I remembered to enjoy this moment while I could. Getting to spend an extra full day with Levi is really wonderful. And it’s moments like this that inspire me to do everything else. 

I woke up today not ready for the week. I could of skipped this post and just picked up tomorrow. But instead I made time for Levi and then I made time for work.

Now I’m sitting in the car while he sleeps in the backseat, finally taking a nap, and I’m thinking about how great it is to have this. 

Life may not be perfect, but this is my life and it’s damn beautiful. 
Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: http://www.thehusbandandwifeco.com
Or my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco
Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalivehttps://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/
I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

QOTD: Suffering

“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

– Bob Marley

I am attracted to things that many consider to be dark.

This quote for example, I am sure isn’t as popular with my more positive thinking friends, especially those who have a very different perception of the word suffering.

For me, in this context, suffering does not have as dark of a meaning because I don’t think of this quote as words on the surface, but rather and expression of emotion and feeling. And it has a lot to do with the fact that everyday for me is a battle.

That is my reality, and as messed up as that seems to people, the truth is I don’t usually wake up wanting to be in whatever situation I find myself in, regardless of how good it is.

It isn’t something I have much control over, no, the only thing I control with it is how I react to it. Which is why I write, engage in photography, and try to find the positive. Try being key.

A statement like this is beautiful because in my reality it makes sense. The things I love, the things that bring me happiness also bring about the most anxiety and fear. For whatever reason, being happy, is a struggle for me. Having lived through very hard times of crippling depression, I can tell you, it is very easy to sit around and be okay with being nothing.

The struggle comes when you want to be happy, feel normal, and enjoy the cascade of emotions you see others around you experiencing. You wish you could enjoy going out and seeing the world, but the amount of effort that takes, is damn near exhausting, and sometimes even thinking about it is enough to put you into a 14 hour nap.

So yes, for some of us, finding someone worth suffering for is beautiful. That person is someone who helps us feel happy and it worth the effort it takes to actually be happy. Sometimes its a thing a too. Like writing this post. I’ve spent the whole week thinking about it. Pondering every emotion I had when reading it, trying to find the sole idea that connected them all. It was the only quote that I couldn’t talk about on Sunday, because it was so important that I knew, I just didn’t have the time to work on it and also knew it was important enough to make the time for.

It was important for me to learn how to be okay with expressing more of myself and not hiding behind the idea that something is hard. I listened to a Youtuber this week talk about the idea of people who don’t release products until they are perfect. I used to think that you shouldn’t share things with the world, things you wanting to share with the world, until they are perfect. But the truth was, it was just an excuse to not do anything. Reality is, so much more comes from just doing it and learning from the failures and the mistakes.

Part of my recovery the last few months was realizing that I have failed so much in my life but that those failures don’t define who I am. I am not depression. I am Jorge. I am a dad, a photographer, a blogger, and a creator. I love making things, regardless of the reaction others give to it, because making things is how I express myself. Sometimes it is pretty and sometimes it isn’t. I have successes and I need to recognize them.

I have a dream of someday being able to support my family with the things I create. What has been holding me back this last month, is the very idea that I need to make the perfect thing, that being able to find that perfect equation will be my big break. But that isn’t true. I need to just create and create the crap out of whatever I think and feel. Along the way, perhaps I will make it as an artist, but in the end, what is most important is getting it out of my head, letting it live and letting myself live.

QOTD: It Goes On

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

– Robert Frost

This is my mantra this week.

I can say life has been getting stressful. Things are starting to get a little real and I have plenty to worry about. But it will go on and things will change and I will survive.

Monday’s are considered by many to be the worst day of the week. (Or so society would have you believe.)

I had a friend though who said he thought Tuesday was the worst day of the week.

I’m not sure I agree with either one. I think most days can suck and most days can also not suck, it just depends on how you see it. The weeks that I am doing good, feeling successful and actually am successful, are the weeks where no matter what I let everyday be it’s best. Maybe that means Wednesday was good nap day or Thursday was rock the crap out of my to-do list day, either way each day is just that, another day and anther chance to be positive.

So today, Monday, lets try to be positive. It’s actually Sunday as I write this and I am already a half hour past my bedtime, but you know what Monday is gonna be bomb because I have my son and I have food in my fridge and I feel good about my future.

What positive thoughts do you have today? Please be sure to write them down and keep them in the front of your mind. Let’s make this week awesome.


Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/