“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.”

– Albert Camus

My biggest worry in life is wether I will be a good enough dad to my son.

I constantly worry that I am not doing enough to engage him or teach him. Aside from the weekend, I really only see him for 3-4 hours on a workday and the rest of the time he is at the sitters.

Do I show him that I love him enough and do I discipline him in a way that is nurturing and not just authoritative? The other day he was sick and as much as I knew him taking a late nap was good, I was frustrated that it meant he’d be up later and it would be hard for me to get any work done. Then, I was mad because I found it annoying that he was sick. It was a lose, lose situation for me.

In a perfect world, his mother and I would of made things work, but this world isn’t perfect. In a perfect world I’d come home and not have to worry about what wether or not we’d have enough to pay the bills and have food.

I had always wished to give him the best life possible, but the older he gets the more I feel like I’ve let him down.

And then I stop and breathe.

I glance at the pictures I have of him, the smiles he always wears. I think of the hugs and kisses he shares. How tightly he holds on to me at night when he wakes up crying. The cuddles he shares right before he falls asleep. And just all of the little moments we share together.

Trying to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent is hard.

I worry about the future he will have; the questions he will ask and the answers I will have to try and explain. How will his confidence and self worth change the more he learns?

I’ve been trying to teach myself the importance of being hopefully and optimistic. Reminding myself that it’s okay to chase after my own dreams. This is all in the hope of being able to teach him to do and act the same.

We all want better for our own kids and it really does fall back on us to be better ourselves. Little steps, little breathes. He is always watching what we do and if he can see us overcome these difficulties, maybe he’ll see that he can also overcome.

So, I guess, being there for him now, showing him that I love him now, and being strong with him now is the best I can do.

When All Else Fails, Ask For Help

Hey guys,

Lately, I feel like it seems I’ve been bouncing from one project to another, coming up with all these products to sell. I’ve tried to restrict how often I share some of it outside of my business pages on Facebook and Instagram (my personal Instagram is actually a business account now).

There are many reasons why I am trying to sell so much and why I keep coming up with new ideas, but the main reason has to do with the everyday problem of needing money.

I know a lot of people think getting a second job or even finding a new job seems like a good idea but let me break it down for you.

Continue reading “When All Else Fails, Ask For Help”

QOTD: Small Joys

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”

– Pearl S Buck

I had to stay home with the kid today. He picked up a little cold last week and he needed another day before heading back to the babysitter. 

As much as it is worrisome to lose a days worth of pay and at the same time not get much done around the house because he needs extra attention, days like today are my favorite. I would love to be able to stay home and work. As hard as it would be to try and run a business and balance parental duties as a single parent, it would be completely worth it. 

Today, I caught myself getting a bit down on myself because it seems almost impossible to do. That future isn’t close and I realize the amount of work needed to get there. But then I remembered to enjoy this moment while I could. Getting to spend an extra full day with Levi is really wonderful. And it’s moments like this that inspire me to do everything else. 

I woke up today not ready for the week. I could of skipped this post and just picked up tomorrow. But instead I made time for Levi and then I made time for work.

Now I’m sitting in the car while he sleeps in the backseat, finally taking a nap, and I’m thinking about how great it is to have this. 

Life may not be perfect, but this is my life and it’s damn beautiful. 
Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: http://www.thehusbandandwifeco.com
Or my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco
Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalivehttps://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/
I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Father’s Day

IMG_4979.JPGTwo and half hours later, Levi is finally asleep.

What I though would be an easy night turned into a battle of the wills as I tried to get Levi to sleep. He was tired and had a complete meltdown at the park, several times. So we came home and got ready for bed a little earlier then normal.

We brushed teeth, put lotion on, changing into pajamas, read our scriptures, said our prayer, and drank a bottle.

Unfortunately, he seemed more awake then usual, but I still put him in his crib and crept out. I was planning on getting some work done to prepare for the week and just as I was about to, I heard him fussing.

I tried the usual to get him down. Nothing was working so I decided to just let him be and instead we had a couple of cookies and watched Youtube. Sure enough though he was still tired and just needed to lay down.

So off to bed again, this time we laid in my bed and he tossed and turned, flipped and flopped, kicked and groaned, until I finally told him to lay down or I would put him in the crib.

It worked.

I stayed and made sure he was good and asleep before sneaking away again.

I can’t say I don’t get frustrated when he won’t go down. The evenings are vital for all the many projects I am currently working on and Sunday’s are important planning nights. But only having him part time has helped me appreciate these moments for what they are.

Levi has been sleeping in my arms from day one. I remember holding him almost the whole night after he was born. His first big poop was in my arms!

I understood how precious my time was with him and even though I was tired, I enjoyed getting up and feeding him at night. We’d sit on the couch and usually sleep out there for a few hours before I’d realize it and sneak him back to his crib.

I love being a dad and it’s those moments when your child really shows his trust in you that make all the other stuff worth it. Levi knows he is safe with me and at night when he can’t sleep, he reaches out for me and it’s funny to see him try to cuddle up next to me but just can’t seem to get close enough.

So yeah, maybe tonight I spent most of my “work” time battling it out with a tired toddler, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am so grateful to be able to have that opportunity and to also to be able to recognize how special it is.

Fatherhood isn’t easy, but it is damn well worth it.

QOTD: Creating Yourself

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

– George Bernard Shaw

I love the control this statement gives the individual. “Finding yourself” implies you don’t have the ability to do so with out some sort of journey or search in which you have little to no control of the outcome, length, or course.

“Creating yourself” gives control to you as an individual to dictate who you are entirely. You make the choices, you carry the power, and you decide.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

QOTD: Live for the stars, they are more plentiful.

May 16, 2017

log in the grass b&w

“Shoot for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll land among the stars.”

– Cecelia Ahern

In five months I went from single to married and it was quite an adventure. It was fun, exciting, overwhelming, and terrifying. Committing to marry someone so quickly was insane but it felt right and it was something I wanted.

That marriage is effectively over.

It is the reason I started work on this blog and reading this quote this morning reminded me how interesting it has been to see how much better of a person I am now that I am out of that marriage and how much it changed my life and brought me to a place where I can feel confident in following my dreams and feel excited for the future.

Trust me, a lot people in my situation wouldn’t be as outwardly happy as I am. The difference between what I could be doing and what I am doing is how I choose to just not worry about what I can’t control anymore. At first, that was hard. When you separate from anyone whom you have a relationship with, you do get mad when they seem to just move on. I know I did.

It didn’t take long, though, to realize how much I still had. Yeah, many of the people I had gotten close to seemed to push me out, but in doing so I found better friends. The people who actually helped me and showed me what it was like to actually care about people. Which was surprising to me because I thought my “church family” would have played a large role in my recovery, but that did not happen at all.

New opportunities presented themselves at work and in my own pursuit of happiness. I realized more fully who I was as a person, recognizing not only my weaknesses, but for once really seeing where I was strong and capable.

Life is still hard. My finances are a cluster ___. I have no idea how to be single and not seeing my son every day can get really frustrating.

But I have a decent home, food in cupboard, the opportunity to see my son often, great friends, my own car, a successful (in my mind) business, opportunities to explore and grow in my hobbies, drive to live, time to appreciate life, a great job, and a hope for my future.

There are plenty of things in my life that are great still. I overcame this hurdle and I will survive and continue to survive anything that comes my way. As a Mormon, I believe in an after-life, so why am I going to waste my time worrying about things that really don’t matter?

I still have some things to work on but I control that now. I control my life and I accept that, that means I can’t control everything.

Surviving anything means happiness is a choice.

Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: www.facebook.com/husandwifeco

Quiet Thoughts: Bitterness and Joy

Overheard a conversation today about someone finding out their spouse was expecting. Hearing about babies is so exciting. It’s also Spring and many of my friends are starting to share with everyone new relationships, or are getting engaged, or are getting married.

It’s really amazing to see so many of my friends happy and I feel so happy for them.

Unfortunately, that happiness can get a little jumbled up with bitterness.

I caught myself today, going from one to other and it made me think. Given the situation my life is in, it can be really easy to feel upset. And honestly it happens and sometimes I can’t stop it.

Like I’ve been sharing, hiding your emotions gets you no where.

Another example from today: I was at lunch and a coworker was talking about her pregnancy experience. A second coworker who hasn’t had children commented about how sometimes she feels unsure about having children after hearing those stories. I commented that as a man I really don’t experience pregnancy the way a woman would.

I started talking about how exciting it is and very quickly I found myself starting to cry. Good cry.  But I forced it back and it being work I don’t know if it was the time and place to really let my emotions out but it was nice to feel for a second. Especially that sort of joy with comes from memories of my son and family.

Bitterness is an emotion and like all emotions is only temporary. Life is a series of up and downs and it really isn’t worth the time to try and force yourself into a false emotion.

From my moment of bitterness, and examining what was behind it, I found different emotions. Yeah it still hurts to think about my family falling apart, but I do feel grateful that I get to see my son and that there is a hope for starting over. Was that the plan I had in mind? No, but my new plan isn’t all that bad.

I am still able to find things that bring me a lot of joy and make me feel successful. Negative emotions are natural to have and the less time I spend trying to suppress them, the more time I can spend doing literally anything else.

And there are plenty of things I’d rather be doing.

Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: www.facebook.com/husandwifeco