Quiet Thoughts: Dating

The idea of dating again has been at the front of my mind lately.

I don’t plan on actually dating any time soon, mainly because I am still married. We haven’t actually filed divorce papers and I am not sure when that will actually happen.

It has nothing to do with anything other then the fact that financially I am kinda in a place where it’s either have money for food and bills or for non-essential things like court fees. We can discuss this later, maybe.

Either way, I know I am not ready to date.

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Weekend with the Kid

Tonight, I told my son it was bedtime and he got super happy.

I picked him up and took him to the room to change his diaper and put on lotion. As I started to comb his hair, he said, “ow.” He says it every time I comb his hair now. Not because it hurts but because somehow he learned it might make us stop. But he has really pretty hair and I try to keep it that way.

The pillow weren’t in the room so I told him to get the pillows and I’d grab a bottle. He didn’t quite understand at first so we walked out to the living room and I pointed at the pillows. He giggled and said, “pillows.” He picked them up and as I poured him some milk he dragged them back to the room. I followed him as he dragged the last pillow in and threw it on the bed. I then rearranged them and helped lift him into bed.

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Missing My Son

When Levi was born, I was so afraid to touch him.

Prior to his birth, I rarely held babies and really did my best to avoid interacting with children. I always felt so uncomfortable around them.

I remember seeing him lying on the table as they cleaned him up. I could hear him crying and I really had no idea what to do. Luckily the nurse could see my deer-in-the-headlights expression and was quick to suggest I take a picture to kind of keep me grounded.

Now, there are days when I come home and I see his things and I know that despite his toys, clothes and bed being here, he won’t be. And it kills me.

On the days where I drop him off at his mom’s, knowing it will be at the very least two days before I see him again, it takes everything for me not to cry. Most of the time I say my goodbyes and then rush back to my car and focus on getting to work. Then when I get home and see his things, I either immediately find something to do or I binge Netflix until the urge to cry passes.

It’s so hard to not see him everyday.

I miss his laughs and his hugs. I hate knowing that when I see him again, I will have missed out on so much. He’ll have learned something new and I won’t know about it until he does it. (His mom doesn’t communicate anything with me)

I just wanted so much more for him. Having a father who abandoned my mom and I, I really wanted so much more for my children.

It never crossed my mind that we’d find ourselves where we are now. I really expected so much more out of my marriage. And yet some how, the burden of it’s failure still ends up laying on my shoulders.

I’d give anything to know I’d see my son everyday. That I could put him to bed every night and here his voice every morning.

He deserves so much more and I just hate myself for how much I’ve let him down.

If there is one thing I try to survive everyday, it’s knowing that I can’t give my son his family.

POTD: From Above

If there is one thing I have come to love about Omaha, Nebraska, it would have to be the amount of parks they have. Ed Zorinsky recreational park, was such a beautiful park to walk in and I only explored about a quarter or less of it. 

Along the way, there were a lot of little patches of flowers popping up here and there. Most were isolated in individual bunches, likes this one, spaced a few feet apart. 

Originally I had shot this bunch of flowers with my macro lens on and I’ll be sharing those images later this week. 

But as I was looking around, I really wanted to capture the intense contrast these little ones had with their surroundings. If I was a painter I would of spent most of my time painting what would be a massive green background with specks of color here and there. It was really beautiful to scan around and find just there bursts of color. 

With a few of the flowers I found, I took some lovely landscape type photographs but wasn’t really satisfied with the contrast. So as I was thinking about this photo, I slowly started to stand up and realized that looking down into the grass created the image I was looking for. 

It was just one of those happy moments of realization when you find the answer or solution to your problem right in front of your face. And so that is how this little gem was created. 

I discussed perspectives last week and this fits in with that. Sometimes we make more of mess and more trouble for ourselves by complicating the answers we are looking for, instead of letting the simplicity of life have free reign. 

I hope everyone has a great Monday night and we will see ya tomorrow. 

Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: http://www.thehusbandandwifeco.com
Or my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco
Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalivehttps://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/
I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

QOTD: Small Joys

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”

– Pearl S Buck

I had to stay home with the kid today. He picked up a little cold last week and he needed another day before heading back to the babysitter. 

As much as it is worrisome to lose a days worth of pay and at the same time not get much done around the house because he needs extra attention, days like today are my favorite. I would love to be able to stay home and work. As hard as it would be to try and run a business and balance parental duties as a single parent, it would be completely worth it. 

Today, I caught myself getting a bit down on myself because it seems almost impossible to do. That future isn’t close and I realize the amount of work needed to get there. But then I remembered to enjoy this moment while I could. Getting to spend an extra full day with Levi is really wonderful. And it’s moments like this that inspire me to do everything else. 

I woke up today not ready for the week. I could of skipped this post and just picked up tomorrow. But instead I made time for Levi and then I made time for work.

Now I’m sitting in the car while he sleeps in the backseat, finally taking a nap, and I’m thinking about how great it is to have this. 

Life may not be perfect, but this is my life and it’s damn beautiful. 
Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: http://www.thehusbandandwifeco.com
Or my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco
Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalivehttps://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/
I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

POTD: Perspective

Side of the Trail.png

After all that I have shared this week, I was worried when I saw this was the photograph that I had chosen first and thus was the last one to be scheduled.

I had expected to post it last week but was hesitant because I wasn’t sure it was good enough. As I came across it again, I had the same hesitation. What makes this shot special?

And then it came to me. It is the story behind it, or rather the story I can pull from it. You see, I don’t know what kind of plant it is, it was growing every where and honestly, I am sure my plant propagation teacher is sad that I’ve forgotten how to identity any of it.

I remember walking along and noticed the patch growing along the side of the path and wanted to try and capture it all in one big group. I did and perhaps it’ll be posted later. I also wanted to try and single out a few of the plants though.

I was just experimenting really.

This shot made it through and as I edited and dug through the masses of shots I had, it kept making the cut. I just didn’t know why.

Tonight, I finally see it for what it can be.

Here was this plant, growing much the same as it’s peers, to everyone around, it wasn’t anything special. Alone though it can shine and it can be beautiful. It’s an individual made up of it’s own qualities. Blending in but capable of standing out. Normal but capable of being abnormal.

Like all of us, it can shine bright and beautiful if we give it the time to tell us it’s story.

I hope you have enjoyed in seeing the world though my eyes this week and I hope that it inspires you to look a little different at everything around you. You never know what or who you can find. Just remember everyone is beautiful, it is us who are viewing them who must allow that beauty into our lives.

Have a lovely weekend and see you on Monday!


Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

POTD: The Trail [Part 3]

Clearing on the Trail.png

Omaha, Nebraska is not at all like anywhere I have lived before. You can be in the downtown area and then drive fifteen minutes east and be in farm country.

Much like Omaha, Ed Zorinsky Recreational Park, had it’s fair share of surprises for me.

What had been a fairly fun walk hidden among the trees on one of the unofficial paths, suddenly opens up into this clearing and from there the trees just slowly disappeared.

I still had them on my right and left but for a moment they stood only to frame the sky with was so lovely. A warm and bright day, I was gifted with this beautiful sea of white and blue.

Everything about this path was dreamy. It was just perfection after perfection. I worried so much that I wouldn’t be able to capture what I was seeing. Luckily, I was and this painted sky will hopefully find it’s way on my wall soon.

Moments like this, brought to you by curiosity.


Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/