Update: Anger

It’s no secret that I feel angry.

I’d have to say anger is the emotion I am most comfortable with. My default. My go to. It’s become my defense.

Lately, my marriage has been in the forefront of my mind. I caught myself laughing as I thought about some memories, a genuine feeling of joy coming across my face. At the same time, I felt angry that those memories are so tainted.

So far, everyone seems to think forgiveness is my best option. I don’t disagree, but I am just not there yet. I’ve shared a lot about being honest with your emotions. Honestly, I don’t know if anything I say is helpful for anyone but ,for me, being honest with myself is huge.

Continue reading “Update: Anger”

QOTD: Creating

“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
― Roy T. Bennett

This was the thought I had when I decided to keep my business going after I separated from my spouse.

I’ve shared that a few times, but finding this actual quote, that is someone else’s words, was a great reminder to me today, of how important it is to keep creating.

It is so easy to feel out of control in life. No matter how good things are, it doesn’t take much to derail us. I wish that wasn’t true but it is.

So how do we change in that split second. Well we redirect the energy, create a new path, find a new goal. We work and we bleed and we cry and smile, fighting for the end that makes us happy.

It’s great.

It wasn’t until after the split that I discovered the term “creator” as it relates to people who create things to sell on Etsy.

It felt silly to say at first, but that is what I am, a creator.

Think about how much power is behind that word. Would you consider yourself a creator? Because you are, you may not realize it but everyday you are creating life. Your life. Your decisions are a part of that process.

So today I am going to ask you, what are you creating?

QOTD: Building My Future

“Do not let the memories of your past limit the potential of your future. There are no limits to what you can achieve on your journey through life, except in your mind.”
― Roy T. Bennett

After this week, I would have written over a hundred posts on this blog.

For me that is seriously amazing. I have never kept writing this consistently, for this long. It has been hard and at times I wanted to stop because like before, it was really hard to not feel really depressed when I write.

Continue reading “QOTD: Building My Future”

QOTD: Suffering

“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

– Bob Marley

I am attracted to things that many consider to be dark.

This quote for example, I am sure isn’t as popular with my more positive thinking friends, especially those who have a very different perception of the word suffering.

For me, in this context, suffering does not have as dark of a meaning because I don’t think of this quote as words on the surface, but rather and expression of emotion and feeling. And it has a lot to do with the fact that everyday for me is a battle.

That is my reality, and as messed up as that seems to people, the truth is I don’t usually wake up wanting to be in whatever situation I find myself in, regardless of how good it is.

It isn’t something I have much control over, no, the only thing I control with it is how I react to it. Which is why I write, engage in photography, and try to find the positive. Try being key.

A statement like this is beautiful because in my reality it makes sense. The things I love, the things that bring me happiness also bring about the most anxiety and fear. For whatever reason, being happy, is a struggle for me. Having lived through very hard times of crippling depression, I can tell you, it is very easy to sit around and be okay with being nothing.

The struggle comes when you want to be happy, feel normal, and enjoy the cascade of emotions you see others around you experiencing. You wish you could enjoy going out and seeing the world, but the amount of effort that takes, is damn near exhausting, and sometimes even thinking about it is enough to put you into a 14 hour nap.

So yes, for some of us, finding someone worth suffering for is beautiful. That person is someone who helps us feel happy and it worth the effort it takes to actually be happy. Sometimes its a thing a too. Like writing this post. I’ve spent the whole week thinking about it. Pondering every emotion I had when reading it, trying to find the sole idea that connected them all. It was the only quote that I couldn’t talk about on Sunday, because it was so important that I knew, I just didn’t have the time to work on it and also knew it was important enough to make the time for.

It was important for me to learn how to be okay with expressing more of myself and not hiding behind the idea that something is hard. I listened to a Youtuber this week talk about the idea of people who don’t release products until they are perfect. I used to think that you shouldn’t share things with the world, things you wanting to share with the world, until they are perfect. But the truth was, it was just an excuse to not do anything. Reality is, so much more comes from just doing it and learning from the failures and the mistakes.

Part of my recovery the last few months was realizing that I have failed so much in my life but that those failures don’t define who I am. I am not depression. I am Jorge. I am a dad, a photographer, a blogger, and a creator. I love making things, regardless of the reaction others give to it, because making things is how I express myself. Sometimes it is pretty and sometimes it isn’t. I have successes and I need to recognize them.

I have a dream of someday being able to support my family with the things I create. What has been holding me back this last month, is the very idea that I need to make the perfect thing, that being able to find that perfect equation will be my big break. But that isn’t true. I need to just create and create the crap out of whatever I think and feel. Along the way, perhaps I will make it as an artist, but in the end, what is most important is getting it out of my head, letting it live and letting myself live.

QOTD: It Goes On

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

– Robert Frost

This is my mantra this week.

I can say life has been getting stressful. Things are starting to get a little real and I have plenty to worry about. But it will go on and things will change and I will survive.

Monday’s are considered by many to be the worst day of the week. (Or so society would have you believe.)

I had a friend though who said he thought Tuesday was the worst day of the week.

I’m not sure I agree with either one. I think most days can suck and most days can also not suck, it just depends on how you see it. The weeks that I am doing good, feeling successful and actually am successful, are the weeks where no matter what I let everyday be it’s best. Maybe that means Wednesday was good nap day or Thursday was rock the crap out of my to-do list day, either way each day is just that, another day and anther chance to be positive.

So today, Monday, lets try to be positive. It’s actually Sunday as I write this and I am already a half hour past my bedtime, but you know what Monday is gonna be bomb because I have my son and I have food in my fridge and I feel good about my future.

What positive thoughts do you have today? Please be sure to write them down and keep them in the front of your mind. Let’s make this week awesome.

Check out my Instagram to see the quotes and photos I post first: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

I also sell stuff here too: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

QOTD: The best day of [My] life

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours–it is an amazing journey–and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

– Bob Moawad

I love anything that reminds me of the fact that I am solely responsible for my life. As I wrote about yesterday, my initial motivation to succeed after my separation, was purely based on a need to show my former spouse I could survive without them. I realized quickly, thankfully, that this was a terrible motivation.

Everything was just me trying to rub success in their face but, they never saw anything I was doing. It made most of it meaningless. I needed to make this about me and about building the life I wanted solely for the purpose of my own happiness. When I started looking at my anger as a short period of my existence and a naturally occurring step with the end of any relationship, I started to see it less as a part of me and more as something I was moving through.

I saw clearly my role in creating the life that ultimately failed and knew that I could either learn from it or repeat it. Obviously, we want to learn from it and not have to repeat it but there were times where I felt it would just be easier to give and go back.

But I knew my ultimate happiness was not possible in doing what was not working. I was ready to express myself more and I desperately wanted to get back into writing and photography. It was consuming my every thought and I knew it would either break me to keep surprising it or improve my chances of actually taking control of my life by do what I actually wanted to do.

I knew I wanted to not just write about what I was experiencing but how I was surviving it and improving myself through that experience. My photography needed to be me pushing myself to express myself in a really intimate way. Together they needed to be a motivation to be positive and not me boasting or puffing myself up.

I wanted to be genuine, not prideful. And I hope that this helps me become confident in my ability to accept that my life is successful solely on how I choose to view it and how I choose to lead it.

QOTD: Instinct

May 25, 2017

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”

– Judith McNaught

If I could do anything different in my life, it would be to follow my instincts more. There was a short period of time when I did and it was the most chaotic and most fulfilling time of my life.

It was right when I started learning about the Mormon church and was told I needed to learn how to follow the Spirit. They told me I would know how the Spirit spook to me and that it would be more of a feeling and not so much an actual voice.

So, for whatever reason, I took this challenge very seriously and anytime I felt that gut feeling of you need to do this, as long as it was a good thing, I did it.

The most interesting story that came from this occurred a little after my baptism. I was out work and potentially going to be out of a home soon (my parents had left to LA and I was in Oregon staying in the house they were selling.)

One morning, I woke up and having no job prospects, I laid there thinking and worrying. I decided to reach for an old bible I had on a shelf and thumbed through it. On one page there was a verse about not being idle and how we need to work hard and keep active. That’s when I felt the need to go out and work in the yard for a bit and just get myself moving.

About five minutes in, this feeling ,of, “you’re done” came over me and as confusing as it was, I headed inside and caught the tail end of a message from my future employer.

Now, its easy to toss this up to coincidence, but its hard to keep saying that. I personally do believe that my instincts helped me to learn in that instance, the way God blesses people through obedience. Would I still have gotten the job if I had just stayed in bed or turned on the TV instead? Who knows? What I know, is my perception of the situation.

I trusted my gut and it taught me something. Instinct is something we can all believe in and interpret how we need to. My instinct has helped me make choices that brought religion into my life, and so now is linked very closely to my spiritual understanding of things. But I can also say that my body can also tell me a lot of things just because that is how it works.

I want to be able to trust myself and part of that is learning to trust my body to tell me things that I can’t see. My body can help me understand dangerous situations before they happen, it can also help me understand what really drives me in life and what excites me. My body can help my mind have the courage to act, but only if I give into it and trust it. Mind and body are meant to work together and it is so important to learn how to do that.

Surviving anything requires trusting yourself, both in your thoughts and in your feelings.

Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/