Being Dad: The Stare And The Meltdowns

Having a small child is an adventure.

My son is at that age where he can be totally fine and then completely melt down for really no reason at all. Or in other words he feels something he can’t express or I can’t understand. And so for him he does the only thing he can, cry and scream.

It happens at home, in public, daytime or nighttime.

Continue reading “Being Dad: The Stare And The Meltdowns”

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Before I forget…

Today, Levi did the cutest thing.

I was laying on the living room floor, (we don’t have a couch) and Levi walked by. I asked for a hug and he gave me one and so I started singing, “Daddy loves his baby!” I did this for a minute and just rocked back and forth and Levi just held on.

Then I sang, “Who does Daddy love?”

Levi sings, “Baby!”

He looked up to me with the biggest smile and it just broke my heart.

I love this kid, so much. He is such a sunny spot in my life and he is just so filled with love. Renee used to always say that Levi was chosen specifically to bring us joy and I don’t doubt that.

He is so special.

How To Change Your Perspective: Take A Vacation

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to go on vacation with my family.

My parents, sister and I haven’t all been together in a few years and so we weren’t sure how well we would all get along. Luckily, aside from a few moments, we did really well considering we spent the better part of a week almost constantly together.

It helped that we were all out of our own environment and experiencing something new together.

Continue reading “How To Change Your Perspective: Take A Vacation”

Weekend with the Kid

Tonight, I told my son it was bedtime and he got super happy.

I picked him up and took him to the room to change his diaper and put on lotion. As I started to comb his hair, he said, “ow.” He says it every time I comb his hair now. Not because it hurts but because somehow he learned it might make us stop. But he has really pretty hair and I try to keep it that way.

The pillow weren’t in the room so I told him to get the pillows and I’d grab a bottle. He didn’t quite understand at first so we walked out to the living room and I pointed at the pillows. He giggled and said, “pillows.” He picked them up and as I poured him some milk he dragged them back to the room. I followed him as he dragged the last pillow in and threw it on the bed. I then rearranged them and helped lift him into bed.

Continue reading “Weekend with the Kid”

QOTD: Now

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.”

– Albert Camus

My biggest worry in life is wether I will be a good enough dad to my son.

I constantly worry that I am not doing enough to engage him or teach him. Aside from the weekend, I really only see him for 3-4 hours on a workday and the rest of the time he is at the sitters.

Do I show him that I love him enough and do I discipline him in a way that is nurturing and not just authoritative? The other day he was sick and as much as I knew him taking a late nap was good, I was frustrated that it meant he’d be up later and it would be hard for me to get any work done. Then, I was mad because I found it annoying that he was sick. It was a lose, lose situation for me.

In a perfect world, his mother and I would of made things work, but this world isn’t perfect. In a perfect world I’d come home and not have to worry about what wether or not we’d have enough to pay the bills and have food.

I had always wished to give him the best life possible, but the older he gets the more I feel like I’ve let him down.

And then I stop and breathe.

I glance at the pictures I have of him, the smiles he always wears. I think of the hugs and kisses he shares. How tightly he holds on to me at night when he wakes up crying. The cuddles he shares right before he falls asleep. And just all of the little moments we share together.

Trying to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent is hard.

I worry about the future he will have; the questions he will ask and the answers I will have to try and explain. How will his confidence and self worth change the more he learns?

I’ve been trying to teach myself the importance of being hopefully and optimistic. Reminding myself that it’s okay to chase after my own dreams. This is all in the hope of being able to teach him to do and act the same.

We all want better for our own kids and it really does fall back on us to be better ourselves. Little steps, little breathes. He is always watching what we do and if he can see us overcome these difficulties, maybe he’ll see that he can also overcome.

So, I guess, being there for him now, showing him that I love him now, and being strong with him now is the best I can do.

When All Else Fails, Ask For Help

Hey guys,

Lately, I feel like it seems I’ve been bouncing from one project to another, coming up with all these products to sell. I’ve tried to restrict how often I share some of it outside of my business pages on Facebook and Instagram (my personal Instagram is actually a business account now).

There are many reasons why I am trying to sell so much and why I keep coming up with new ideas, but the main reason has to do with the everyday problem of needing money.

I know a lot of people think getting a second job or even finding a new job seems like a good idea but let me break it down for you.

Continue reading “When All Else Fails, Ask For Help”

Father’s Day

IMG_4979.JPGTwo and half hours later, Levi is finally asleep.

What I though would be an easy night turned into a battle of the wills as I tried to get Levi to sleep. He was tired and had a complete meltdown at the park, several times. So we came home and got ready for bed a little earlier then normal.

We brushed teeth, put lotion on, changing into pajamas, read our scriptures, said our prayer, and drank a bottle.

Unfortunately, he seemed more awake then usual, but I still put him in his crib and crept out. I was planning on getting some work done to prepare for the week and just as I was about to, I heard him fussing.

I tried the usual to get him down. Nothing was working so I decided to just let him be and instead we had a couple of cookies and watched Youtube. Sure enough though he was still tired and just needed to lay down.

So off to bed again, this time we laid in my bed and he tossed and turned, flipped and flopped, kicked and groaned, until I finally told him to lay down or I would put him in the crib.

It worked.

I stayed and made sure he was good and asleep before sneaking away again.

I can’t say I don’t get frustrated when he won’t go down. The evenings are vital for all the many projects I am currently working on and Sunday’s are important planning nights. But only having him part time has helped me appreciate these moments for what they are.

Levi has been sleeping in my arms from day one. I remember holding him almost the whole night after he was born. His first big poop was in my arms!

I understood how precious my time was with him and even though I was tired, I enjoyed getting up and feeding him at night. We’d sit on the couch and usually sleep out there for a few hours before I’d realize it and sneak him back to his crib.

I love being a dad and it’s those moments when your child really shows his trust in you that make all the other stuff worth it. Levi knows he is safe with me and at night when he can’t sleep, he reaches out for me and it’s funny to see him try to cuddle up next to me but just can’t seem to get close enough.

So yeah, maybe tonight I spent most of my “work” time battling it out with a tired toddler, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am so grateful to be able to have that opportunity and to also to be able to recognize how special it is.

Fatherhood isn’t easy, but it is damn well worth it.