QOTD: Now

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.”

– Albert Camus

My biggest worry in life is wether I will be a good enough dad to my son.

I constantly worry that I am not doing enough to engage him or teach him. Aside from the weekend, I really only see him for 3-4 hours on a workday and the rest of the time he is at the sitters.

Do I show him that I love him enough and do I discipline him in a way that is nurturing and not just authoritative? The other day he was sick and as much as I knew him taking a late nap was good, I was frustrated that it meant he’d be up later and it would be hard for me to get any work done. Then, I was mad because I found it annoying that he was sick. It was a lose, lose situation for me.

In a perfect world, his mother and I would of made things work, but this world isn’t perfect. In a perfect world I’d come home and not have to worry about what wether or not we’d have enough to pay the bills and have food.

I had always wished to give him the best life possible, but the older he gets the more I feel like I’ve let him down.

And then I stop and breathe.

I glance at the pictures I have of him, the smiles he always wears. I think of the hugs and kisses he shares. How tightly he holds on to me at night when he wakes up crying. The cuddles he shares right before he falls asleep. And just all of the little moments we share together.

Trying to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent is hard.

I worry about the future he will have; the questions he will ask and the answers I will have to try and explain. How will his confidence and self worth change the more he learns?

I’ve been trying to teach myself the importance of being hopefully and optimistic. Reminding myself that it’s okay to chase after my own dreams. This is all in the hope of being able to teach him to do and act the same.

We all want better for our own kids and it really does fall back on us to be better ourselves. Little steps, little breathes. He is always watching what we do and if he can see us overcome these difficulties, maybe he’ll see that he can also overcome.

So, I guess, being there for him now, showing him that I love him now, and being strong with him now is the best I can do.

QOTD: The Truth About Happines

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.”

-Steve Maraboli

For those of you in the US, I hope you made it through the holiday safe and sound, also happy belated Independence Day. ‘Merica!

I had a fairly quite holiday, the kid and I went to a parade and got caught in some rain. He did good though and luckily I had thought to bring a change a clothes. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out and both were in bed by nine, well I was actually on the living room floor because I was exhausted and didn’t think it was worth getting back up to go back to sleep.

Luckily, that meant when the kid got up at 4 this morning, I was ready to get going and took the time to get caught up on these posts.

The other day, I was talking to my mom and was able to admit to her that things were getting a little crazy for me. Finances have never really been my strong point and this summer is just getting a little tight. At the end though, I was able to admit that, despite all the worry and concern, I was still the happiest I have been in a long time.

I was able to keep up with good habits and I am actually attempting to make and keep better habits. It’s gotten easier to pull myself away from negativity and keep my paranoia down. I’ve had fewer lows and more moderate days when it comes to my depression and anxiety.

There is still a forward progression in my life and I am able to notice when I get stagnant and try to find a way to push myself a little more. All of this has been encouraging to think about.

I see how that has been affecting the way I think and act. It’s easier to be a bit more engaging and outgoing. I am getting comfortable with sharing my photography and working on this blog.

My problems still exist, but I know I have the ability to solve them and get things under control. I know it’ll take time but in the end, right now, in this moment, I am happy and that is better than I was a few months ago. It’s getting easier to survive.

 

When All Else Fails, Ask For Help

Hey guys,

Lately, I feel like it seems I’ve been bouncing from one project to another, coming up with all these products to sell. I’ve tried to restrict how often I share some of it outside of my business pages on Facebook and Instagram (my personal Instagram is actually a business account now).

There are many reasons why I am trying to sell so much and why I keep coming up with new ideas, but the main reason has to do with the everyday problem of needing money.

I know a lot of people think getting a second job or even finding a new job seems like a good idea but let me break it down for you.

Continue reading “When All Else Fails, Ask For Help”

Father’s Day

IMG_4979.JPGTwo and half hours later, Levi is finally asleep.

What I though would be an easy night turned into a battle of the wills as I tried to get Levi to sleep. He was tired and had a complete meltdown at the park, several times. So we came home and got ready for bed a little earlier then normal.

We brushed teeth, put lotion on, changing into pajamas, read our scriptures, said our prayer, and drank a bottle.

Unfortunately, he seemed more awake then usual, but I still put him in his crib and crept out. I was planning on getting some work done to prepare for the week and just as I was about to, I heard him fussing.

I tried the usual to get him down. Nothing was working so I decided to just let him be and instead we had a couple of cookies and watched Youtube. Sure enough though he was still tired and just needed to lay down.

So off to bed again, this time we laid in my bed and he tossed and turned, flipped and flopped, kicked and groaned, until I finally told him to lay down or I would put him in the crib.

It worked.

I stayed and made sure he was good and asleep before sneaking away again.

I can’t say I don’t get frustrated when he won’t go down. The evenings are vital for all the many projects I am currently working on and Sunday’s are important planning nights. But only having him part time has helped me appreciate these moments for what they are.

Levi has been sleeping in my arms from day one. I remember holding him almost the whole night after he was born. His first big poop was in my arms!

I understood how precious my time was with him and even though I was tired, I enjoyed getting up and feeding him at night. We’d sit on the couch and usually sleep out there for a few hours before I’d realize it and sneak him back to his crib.

I love being a dad and it’s those moments when your child really shows his trust in you that make all the other stuff worth it. Levi knows he is safe with me and at night when he can’t sleep, he reaches out for me and it’s funny to see him try to cuddle up next to me but just can’t seem to get close enough.

So yeah, maybe tonight I spent most of my “work” time battling it out with a tired toddler, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am so grateful to be able to have that opportunity and to also to be able to recognize how special it is.

Fatherhood isn’t easy, but it is damn well worth it.

QOTD: Creating Yourself

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

– George Bernard Shaw

I love the control this statement gives the individual. “Finding yourself” implies you don’t have the ability to do so with out some sort of journey or search in which you have little to no control of the outcome, length, or course.

“Creating yourself” gives control to you as an individual to dictate who you are entirely. You make the choices, you carry the power, and you decide.

 


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

QOTD: Instinct

May 25, 2017

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”

– Judith McNaught

If I could do anything different in my life, it would be to follow my instincts more. There was a short period of time when I did and it was the most chaotic and most fulfilling time of my life.

It was right when I started learning about the Mormon church and was told I needed to learn how to follow the Spirit. They told me I would know how the Spirit spook to me and that it would be more of a feeling and not so much an actual voice.

So, for whatever reason, I took this challenge very seriously and anytime I felt that gut feeling of you need to do this, as long as it was a good thing, I did it.

The most interesting story that came from this occurred a little after my baptism. I was out work and potentially going to be out of a home soon (my parents had left to LA and I was in Oregon staying in the house they were selling.)

One morning, I woke up and having no job prospects, I laid there thinking and worrying. I decided to reach for an old bible I had on a shelf and thumbed through it. On one page there was a verse about not being idle and how we need to work hard and keep active. That’s when I felt the need to go out and work in the yard for a bit and just get myself moving.

About five minutes in, this feeling ,of, “you’re done” came over me and as confusing as it was, I headed inside and caught the tail end of a message from my future employer.

Now, its easy to toss this up to coincidence, but its hard to keep saying that. I personally do believe that my instincts helped me to learn in that instance, the way God blesses people through obedience. Would I still have gotten the job if I had just stayed in bed or turned on the TV instead? Who knows? What I know, is my perception of the situation.

I trusted my gut and it taught me something. Instinct is something we can all believe in and interpret how we need to. My instinct has helped me make choices that brought religion into my life, and so now is linked very closely to my spiritual understanding of things. But I can also say that my body can also tell me a lot of things just because that is how it works.

I want to be able to trust myself and part of that is learning to trust my body to tell me things that I can’t see. My body can help me understand dangerous situations before they happen, it can also help me understand what really drives me in life and what excites me. My body can help my mind have the courage to act, but only if I give into it and trust it. Mind and body are meant to work together and it is so important to learn how to do that.

Surviving anything requires trusting yourself, both in your thoughts and in your feelings.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

QOTD: Courage

May 24, 2017

“Courage is feeling fear, not getting rid of fear, and taking action in the face of fear.”

– Roy T. Bennett

First off, apologies this is going up late.

Now on to the thoughts on this. This afternoon I had to make a very important phone call to take care of something I had been putting off. It turned out way worse then I had thought and I had planned for some bad news.

Anyway, I had a choice to make, either I could use this as an excuse to veg out and worry and panic about what to do or I could double down on my work and really put my plans into play.

Thankfully, for the first time in my life, I immediately said, “welp, best thing to do is get to work and make my own luck.”

And that is what I did. Tonight I am staying up late and working hard. Getting my life to a better place and hopefully being able to fix my own mess. It’s scary and stressful but hopefully in 30 days I can come back and tell you that I did it. And if I can’t well hopefully I can tell you what I can do better.

Well good night everyone.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/