April 10, 2017

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

-Dennis Waitley

There isn’t anything better then knowing you are happy.

And happy really isn’t a great word to describe how I feel right now. Content doesn’t really hit it either and I am not about to search it out. But it’s somewhere in there.

Today, happy is being with my son. Being able to lay him down next me as he had a bottle this morning and being a part of his morning routine, that is happiness.

Where can you find Happiness?

Update: When Life Gives You Lemons…

There is a hip hop artist named Atmosphere, and he has an album titled “When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Sh*t Gold.” It’s such an amazing title and now anytime I here someone say “When life gives you lemons…” it’s the first thing I think of.

It ties in well with the idea of “Dreaming Big.”

These last two weeks, my mind has been preoccupied with my divorce and everything going on there. Motivation has been low and exhaustion levels have peaked. And yet some how I find my self happier now then I have been in a long time. There is such a strong faith in the future that despite all these temporary roadblocks I find myself facing, I feel amazing. There is a part of me that can see my dreams as possibilities and not just maybe’s.

I am at a point where nothing seems impossible. I understand where I need to work harder and where patience and planning will be necessary and I am finally okay with that. Life isn’t a race, and my success isn’t measured by anyone but me. So I am going to take what I have and paint it gold, dream all day, and work my butt off to keep moving forward.

“No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”


QOTD: Love and Reality

April 5, 2017

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something  to carry, like a radio. You feel  your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy you’re reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

-Jim Morrison

Through my divorce, being open about my feelings has been important. Right before we separated I was seeing a counselor who discussed with me the normal range of emotions one could feel when dealing with this type of stress. The key to managing it all was accepting that it was okay to feel these emotions. Continue reading “QOTD: Love and Reality”

QOTD: How do you live?

April 4, 2017

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all”

-Oscar Wilde

There is no standard to living life. There is no checklist of things to do, no itinerary to follow. It isn’t as if someone could honestly say you haven’t lived because you haven’t done this or conquered that. To live is to be present in life; life being what you chose to make it.

Perhaps you set the goal to conquer the summit of all the highest peaks in the world. Have you lived because you achieved this goal? Have you lived if your goal achieved is to have a small family, a small house and a decent job? Its a matter of perspective. You make it what you want it to be.

We hold unnecessary expectations. Reading several social media sites, I come across articles titled, “Ten MUST See Places Before You Die” or “Food Everyone Has To Try Before They Die” or “Everything You Have To Do Before You Get Old.”

They make me laugh and cringe a bit. To think of how easily it is to fall into thinking you haven’t done enough because you haven’t achieved all the items on some imaginary bucket list is terrifying. At 26, I’ve dropped out of college (twice), worked in six industries, played college lacrosse, won a gaming tournament(local library), discovered my hobbies, had a child, married and divorced(not final), traveled to places I loved, discovered where I want to live the rest of my life, discovered the moral standards that are important to me, engaged and loved hundreds of people, road tripped, quit my job and moved in the span of 48 hours, the list could go on.

Looking at all I have done, I have lived. Realizing that, hasn’t been easy, because I was consumed with what others have done. The memories though, bring me back emotions and pride about the life I have chosen.

At times, I was simply existing. Those memories can blind us from reality. We aren’t meant to live to someone else’s standards. As a Christian, I firmly believe, we need to leave our parents homes and establish for ourselves the family unit that comes before anyone else, where decisions are made for us and our success is judge by our own scales.

And perhaps, from the outside, my life isn’t exciting; but doing what I love is exciting for me, and excitement for me is quiet, calm, and relaxing most of the time. At times excitement is blasting music and air guitar until I throw my back out (I’m old). Having a son, new levels of excitement have emerged and in the end, my idea of living is unique to me.

I don’t want to meet the standards others have set for me nor many of the expectations. I want to be a good, dedicated father and that concept is unique to what I perceive as a good, dedicated father.

It is up to us to choose how to live, and we need to be okay with what we choose and the consequences of that choice. Being happy with ourselves is by far more important and priority.

QOTD: Success

April 3, 2017

 “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”

-Maya Angelou

I spent the weekend enjoying time with my son. That means this QOTD is late.

But, I planned ahead last week and so it was easy enough to sit down with my notebook and go through all the quotes I’ve been saving. And just like that, I feel successful today.

The approach of not putting pressure on myself to be perfect with this blog, has not only helped me enjoy this, but has kept me motivated to keep working on it. This weekend, I thought a lot about getting things ready for this week and getting my posts scheduled and finding content to write about. Saturday night, I was a little stressed about putting it off because I knew I didn’t want to “work” on Sunday.

Then I remembered that it wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m doing this for fun and trying to make this perfect right now, isn’t going to do me any good. Working to not burn myself out on any of my projects has really opened my eyes up to how planning works for me.

Last week, I was stressing about a couple of things in my personal life and spent most nights lying awake and when I did sleep, I had constant nightmares. I really just needed a break and was trying to get sleep when I could. Things just didn’t get done when I had planned for them, but something I had done the week prior, was plan ahead. Then during the week, when I did have ideas or came across ideas or quotes to write about, I wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget.

And because, I am doing all this for my own enjoyment, it didn’t matter that I was late today, or that I didn’t spend Saturday night and Sunday prepping for the week. I needed a break and I took it. I had worked hard when I could and when I needed to not do so much, it was ok. That works for me. I’ve known a lot of people who think if you aren’t working hard all the time you aren’t being successful. But what good is it to work yourself to death? Or to work until you hate what you are doing?

I do believe we are meant to enjoy life and finding a path that works for us and our lifestyles is important. You will have to make adjustments along the way, like if I want to ever start a new family, I will have to get a better job. Right now, to provide for myself and my son, what I do is working, and I can plan a future with my current job that will in the long term be good. It’s when things change that we have to be willing to reevaluate our situation.

Currently, I do like myself, I work when I need to and focus on the task at hand, and then I relax when possible. Before, it was just putting off things, now it’s just taking care of myself and being ok with it.

QOTD: March 31, 2017

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

-Oscar Wilde

I love spending time with myself. My taste in music is amazing and my dance moves, oh do they make me happy.

I can make myself laugh quite easily and I love the food I can cook.

When I am with others, sometimes I miss myself. It’s hard to let others see the side of me that I actually do love.

I don’t want other people to fall in love with me because then I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with myself.

It’s a complicated relationship.

QOTD: March 30, 2017

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you  to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

People have always told me it was impossible to be a photographer and have a family. I’ve heard it so much that I started saying it to other people.

And then I realized how freakin stupid that is. Eventually, I met people who were doing just that and I was amazed. It was like meeting a unicorn, everyone said it didn’t exist but there it was and it was real.

Now I do dream about being a photographer and I am working on it and I am going to do it the way that works for me. But now I also want to work for my company so the new dream is just to do both plus some. Because in the end if it’s worth doing then freaking do it.