Update: Anger

It’s no secret that I feel angry.

I’d have to say anger is the emotion I am most comfortable with. My default. My go to. It’s become my defense.

Lately, my marriage has been in the forefront of my mind. I caught myself laughing as I thought about some memories, a genuine feeling of joy coming across my face. At the same time, I felt angry that those memories are so tainted.

So far, everyone seems to think forgiveness is my best option. I don’t disagree, but I am just not there yet. I’ve shared a lot about being honest with your emotions. Honestly, I don’t know if anything I say is helpful for anyone but ,for me, being honest with myself is huge.

Continue reading “Update: Anger”

Update: Surviving

Art is all about emotion.

The emotion felt when creating to the emotion felt by the viewer, art makes us feel. For me, my photography is typically inspired by pain.

In high school, I was struggling with depression and photography became a very important outlet for me. Now, I still find myself using my photography as a way to deal with everything that comes with going through a divorce.

Continue reading “Update: Surviving”

QOTD: Creating Yourself

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

– George Bernard Shaw

I love the control this statement gives the individual. “Finding yourself” implies you don’t have the ability to do so with out some sort of journey or search in which you have little to no control of the outcome, length, or course.

“Creating yourself” gives control to you as an individual to dictate who you are entirely. You make the choices, you carry the power, and you decide.

 


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

A Balance Between Positivity and Pessimism 

“If you want to be happy, be.”

– Leo Tolstoy

I try to avoid statements I perceive as “aggressive” like the one above. As someone who has depression and some low level anxiety, statements like this can be really painful to see and hear. Especially when I am already being critical of myself. 

During those “down” times, it is extremely frustrating to face ideas like this because you feel ashamed of the fact that you cannot help yourself. Your emotions seem like a physical weight on your body and though you would rather be happy, it all is very exhausting. And then the cycle turns over again because now you feel bad for being tired. 

It’s only recently that I have felt comfortable with using phrases like this in my life. When I do, I try to only do so when I am feeling good and am capable of seeing a statement like this as advice and not as a command. 

Trying to form a positive outlook on my life and trying to be forgiving of my nature to be pessimistic, has helped me see that the two thoughts can have there place. While positivity can inspire and uplift me, looking more objectively at my situation has also helped keep me grounded and more focused. Tag teaming my pessimism and positivity allows me to make better plans and feel confident in executing them. 

Again it’s about the balance we allow in our life. For my photography, some shoots benefit from a dark view point, bringing with it a different range of emotions and ideas then shoots where I feel more upbeat. I feel like that difference is seen in whether I produce color or black and white images. 

Most of my color images are taken when I am feeling more positivity and inspired. The subject demands the focus and the overall intent of the image is clear. My black and white photography, is in birth, darker, but when editing I have to find more in the image to showcase and what is drawn out is the what I call the essence of the image that relies less upon the subject and more on the overall feel. These images I fee don’t speak as easily to those I share them with and tend to harder for me to share. I feel in the end I produce an image that is still positive but also full of more emotion. 

Two perspectives that help me keep balanced in life and in my artwork. And achieving some idea of balance is important in our lives. Working towards that is difficult but not impossible. For many, therapy and medication are huge helps. Also good and reliable friendships. In the end though, we have to be ready to pull ourselves out and make those changes that will affect us positively and actually move us a little bit out of the cycle. 

We can survive anything. We just need to learn balance. 

QOTD: Instinct

May 25, 2017

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”

– Judith McNaught

If I could do anything different in my life, it would be to follow my instincts more. There was a short period of time when I did and it was the most chaotic and most fulfilling time of my life.

It was right when I started learning about the Mormon church and was told I needed to learn how to follow the Spirit. They told me I would know how the Spirit spook to me and that it would be more of a feeling and not so much an actual voice.

So, for whatever reason, I took this challenge very seriously and anytime I felt that gut feeling of you need to do this, as long as it was a good thing, I did it.

The most interesting story that came from this occurred a little after my baptism. I was out work and potentially going to be out of a home soon (my parents had left to LA and I was in Oregon staying in the house they were selling.)

One morning, I woke up and having no job prospects, I laid there thinking and worrying. I decided to reach for an old bible I had on a shelf and thumbed through it. On one page there was a verse about not being idle and how we need to work hard and keep active. That’s when I felt the need to go out and work in the yard for a bit and just get myself moving.

About five minutes in, this feeling ,of, “you’re done” came over me and as confusing as it was, I headed inside and caught the tail end of a message from my future employer.

Now, its easy to toss this up to coincidence, but its hard to keep saying that. I personally do believe that my instincts helped me to learn in that instance, the way God blesses people through obedience. Would I still have gotten the job if I had just stayed in bed or turned on the TV instead? Who knows? What I know, is my perception of the situation.

I trusted my gut and it taught me something. Instinct is something we can all believe in and interpret how we need to. My instinct has helped me make choices that brought religion into my life, and so now is linked very closely to my spiritual understanding of things. But I can also say that my body can also tell me a lot of things just because that is how it works.

I want to be able to trust myself and part of that is learning to trust my body to tell me things that I can’t see. My body can help me understand dangerous situations before they happen, it can also help me understand what really drives me in life and what excites me. My body can help my mind have the courage to act, but only if I give into it and trust it. Mind and body are meant to work together and it is so important to learn how to do that.

Surviving anything requires trusting yourself, both in your thoughts and in your feelings.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

QOTD: Courage

May 24, 2017

“Courage is feeling fear, not getting rid of fear, and taking action in the face of fear.”

– Roy T. Bennett

First off, apologies this is going up late.

Now on to the thoughts on this. This afternoon I had to make a very important phone call to take care of something I had been putting off. It turned out way worse then I had thought and I had planned for some bad news.

Anyway, I had a choice to make, either I could use this as an excuse to veg out and worry and panic about what to do or I could double down on my work and really put my plans into play.

Thankfully, for the first time in my life, I immediately said, “welp, best thing to do is get to work and make my own luck.”

And that is what I did. Tonight I am staying up late and working hard. Getting my life to a better place and hopefully being able to fix my own mess. It’s scary and stressful but hopefully in 30 days I can come back and tell you that I did it. And if I can’t well hopefully I can tell you what I can do better.

Well good night everyone.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/

QOTD: I Hate Planning

May 23, 2017

“You can’t plow a field simply by turning it over in your mind.”

– Gordon B. Hinckley

Goals, goals, goals, I really dislike setting goals. It has to do with my dislike of planning.

I don’t have a reason why I dislike planning, I just don’t like it. I’m sitting here laughing because it just seems so ridiculous.

I do currently have a planner. I use it everyday, mostly to jot down ideas for my business, things I want to write about and quotes to share. I try to fill in my weekly appointments and schedule times to take care of just normal everyday things, like making dinner.

Getting my business up and running and sustaining it requires me to be really good about planning my days and making sure that I stay on track. So again, I laugh at how much disdain I have for planning.

However, with all that I do and the amount of time it takes to do it all, keeping a mental list of things doesn’t work. Inevitably I forget things and end up having to back track and it eats away at my day.

I always joke that it would be nice to have an extra 8 hours in my day to work just on my business. It would be amazing to have that much time set aside. That doesn’t typically happen though.

After I leave my day job, there are just things that need to be taken care of. When I have my son, I don’t plan to work until after he goes to bed. When I don’t have him, I still usually don’t start work until after 6 pm so I have time to relax and make dinner.

These habits are built around a mental plan that works, however, there is better efficiency when I write down this schedule. Over the past six months, I’ve made it a habit to, at the minimum, to write out my daily schedule at the beginning of the week.

Naturally, from this, when I get ideas, I stared writing them down in my planner. From that habit, it became normal to feel inspired to actually use those ideas and to want to set goals to achieve them. Life started to get a little easier and I felt better.

Planning is hard. Acting is harder. But when we do both and at the very least, attempt to accomplish our dreams, we find fulfillment. Happiness. Joy. Maybe even relief. Being someone who enjoys writing things down, nothing is more relieving then being able to just write out my feelings, thoughts and ideas, clearing my mind of all the junk that builds up.

I am better capable of being honest with myself. That alone breaks so much of the pressure that I feel in life and helps to center me back into reality. Feeling overwhelmed is a daily occurrence for me. I feel stuck a lot of the time, worried that I am chasing the wrong things or will never see “success.” Those are all normal emotions for me and I’ve learned to work through it all. Being able to feel like I have a plan for my day helps make it easier.

I think we all have to find a way to make our lives feel less like a never ending cycle of suck and more pleasant. It takes time and effort, and lots of planning. But planning will get you no where if you don’t actually do.

So set the goal to start somewhere and write down your ideas. Get it out of your head and closer to reality. Baby steps y’all.

Surviving anything is about believing in your own ability to succeed.


Shirts available for purchase here: https://survivinganything.threadless.com/

Check out my Instagram to see what picture I posted today: @jorgesiow – https://www.instagram.com/jorgesiow/

Check out my Pattern site to see the things I sell: www.thehusbandandwifeco.com

Or my Etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/thehusbandandwifeco

Also I have Facebook: @undefeatedandalive – https://www.facebook.com/undefeateandalive/