“And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”
– Ether 12:7
I am at a point in my life where I need to choose between lying to myself or being honest with myself about my faith.
As someone who is constantly writing about being honest with oneself, it would seem I would already know which is the healthier and correct choice here. However, I also recognize it is the harder choice and thus it makes me hesitant.
I wrote last week about overcoming fear, specifically recognizing the difference between the types of fear we face. When it comes to my faith, what is keeping me from really living it is a fear of hurting my ego or pride.
And that has seemed to be the biggest obstacle in my life as a Mormon.
It’s called the pride cycle. When I am doing what I know is right and living my life in way that I know is in line with the commandments, for the most part things tend to be okay. My trails are less burdensome and I have a hope for a future beyond that. It is during these times I feel like I can “feel” things better and having a better understanding of the actions I should take in life.
Then things get a little crazy, because I start to forget that the only reason things are so good, is well because of the big guy upstairs. I start to slack a little and fall into old pitfalls. It becomes easier to rely on my own strengths and talents and forget that even those things are only mine because of God.
I forget that it’s my faith in God that is allowing me to have that clear and level-headed mind. It’s my faith that allows me to stay calm under pressure and gives me the strength to think beyond my problems and find solutions. It is also that faith that opens my eyes to understanding and compassion.
I can say that all of these things are things I only learned after I discovered for myself who God was. And that required me to act completely on faith and choose to follow something that was completely foreign and really the complete opposite of how I was living my life up until that point.
So, if I am being honest with myself I know the next step in my progression in life is turning back towards God a little more. Working on my faith and really trying to live by it.
I know that I have tried to not write so much about my religion. At least not in this way. But as someone who is writing for the sole purpose of progressing as a human being, this is a part of that progression. I don’t intend to preach but simply offer a glimpse into the life that I lead everyday. This is still a part of me as much as anything I have written on here.
There will be a slight shift and I will do my best to relate it towards a more general concept at the end of my posts, but understand in order to get there I have to follow the thought in my mind and work it.
Today, honesty is my lesson. In order to survive, we need to be honest about everything, even the hard things. Adhering to my faith during this time in my life is hard. In the end though, my body and mind still feel the pull of my faith and as much as my conscience thinking wants to run from it, because I know happiness can be found there, the further I run the closer it gets, the stronger the feelings are, and the warmer the memories.
It isn’t easy to be honest. But if honesty is always right, why will we choose to ever be wrong.