There is someone in my life, who I unfortunately, must be in communication with. For months, it would make me physically ill to think about physically seeing this person. Even short text conversations took a toll and it was hard trying to keep from spiraling out.
Advice for dealing with said person sound a bit like this: “You can’t let other people affect you and control how you feel.”
But let’s be honest, that’s not exactly something that is easy to do and for most people who do succeed at it, it is a learned behavior.
I knew that this was what I wanted but had no idea how to bring that perspective into my life. How do I overcome this? What is something I can do NOW to try and make this better for me?
Admitting the truth.
Being honest with myself meant taking accountability for how I reacted. I was tired, I was drained and I felt miserable. Either I could stop and if possible rest up, take a nap, or even turn on Netflix and call it a night or I could work on something fun, dive into a hobby, or take my son out on an adventure.
It was my choice to let this paralyze me and drain me. Some days, yes, I need to rest and other days I just need to move on. I pick which day it is going to be and let go. It is my decision and I take charge of my life and my emotion. I don’t feel bad about being weak on the days I just rest it out because that is what I need. And if I can push back and do something awesome instead, then I feel just as good.
It’s about being honest. At first, it was easiest to just rest. This gave me time to get back into the things I like doing. Watching YouTube was something I did for fun and so that was where I went and I came across three skateboarding channels: Braille Skateboarding, John Hill, and Dale Decker.
There was literally nothing more important to my progression as an individual then the moment I came across these channels. They promote a positive lifestyle and dream big mentality. Sure enough, after a few weeks, it became hard not want that same mindset.
So then the questions became: “How can I be more positive?” and “What could I do to follow my dreams?”
From there, life stated to fall into place. Every day I was finding good and positive ideas to motivate myself. Never in my life have I felt purely self motivated. Honest. I spent a lot of my life trying to get others to motivate me because nothing inside me could. I’m not that person as much anymore.
Sometimes I do need to check myself and remember this is a process and things won’t happen over night. Honesty, remember? But just because it isn’t happing now doesn’t meant it won’t and even if it doesn’t, at least I tried, which is more then I was doing before.
We associate so many negatives thoughts to being weak and surviving. We want to feel strong and like we are fighting. But I am not always that person who feels strong and wants to fight. I’m weak and I am okay with that. I’m surviving because I honestly struggle in so many aspects of life some days its hard enough to just stand. (Literally, last night my legs wouldn’t work).
If I continue to beat myself up because of that, I won’t ever be strong. Being okay with who I am and where I am is what makes me strong. I’m not a man’s man and I don’t ever plan to be. I just want to be me and be happy with that.
Surviving anything means accepting your weakness and moving forward.
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