I’m Over “Thinking”

Quiet Thoughts – March 21, 2017

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In high school, I was a self-imposed loner. It was common for me to be unnecessarily inappropriate, awkward, and rude. For some strange reason, I’d been confused into thinking this was how people were supposed to act. These actions and my constant day dreaming made it very hard for me to feel comfortable around other people. I was that kid that everyone knew but no one really knew.

My junior year, I’d gotten the courage to ask someone to homecoming and somehow it worked. I feel like that was when I started to experience high school and not just go to high school. One thing I’d wish I had spent more time doing was dating casually. Casual dating in high school is really misunderstood. We are at an age where we want to be to grown up and we don’t realize the downfalls of being to serious.

Now in my mid-twenties, a divorced, single parent, I feel completely lost as to how to proceed in life. Again, the old habits of distancing myself from others has begun and the idea of dating is so swamped by my constant day dreaming, I spend more time trying to keep myself in reality. And these are habits I wish my high school self would have spent more time growing out of.

With my ex-wife,  she quite literally had to force me into realizing she liked me and she ultimately asked me on our first date. This was a consequence of my thinking to much about the “what if’s” and not enough time focused on the reality around me.

Moving forward out of that relationship, I’ve reconnected with myself. Taking care of myself and getting comfortable with my like and dislikes again has been really enjoyable and I’ve changed. The last few weeks, however, I have felt a desire to take another step. That step being meeting people again.

The problem is I don’t have any idea what to do. This past week and half, a new co-worker and I have been talking a bit and I have made it a point to go and sit with her on my lunch break. This is a big step for me. Mainly because she is in my age group. Making friends with older people, not old just older, is really easy for me, but if I am going to actually progress in the way I need to, making friends with people my age is a must.

Some things I’ve noticed I do:
– Over explain
– Not make eye contact
– Not accept compliments
– Respond without listening
– Repeat the same sentence three different ways
– Dominate the conversation because I am overthinking my responses

I figure it is good to notice these things and hope that as I recognize myself doing them, I will stop and redirect.

Wish me luck at lunch time today.

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